Thoughts

So many changes have happened in the last month that I feel like I can't breathe. Like I'm sinking. I guess you can say I'm quite a happy person, that likes dark things (music and art in particular). I can be quite the ice queen. Something that has been in me since I was a child. My frankness can be mistaken for bitchiness (or maybe I am just a biatch) The funny thing is, the people closest to me see it more than others i.e family and boyf. Maybe because I can get away with it and because they will always be there. In reality, I shouldn't take them for granted. In saying that, I love them, in my tough love sort of way.

I'm sort of lost at the moment and the other night I wrote in my journal to let all my thoughts out, something I haven't done in a year. You know that feeling where you feel like you haven't achieved anything substantial in your life/ past year. Well I'm in that phase or mind frame. I guess that is where the sinking feeling comes from. The last couple of weeks I have't been sleeping properly, my mind is ticking 100km a minute that bed time is at the witching hour of 3am. To fall asleep I normally pray or open the Bible to a random page and read it. And the other night I read the parable of The Sower. It was very appropriate.

The shit thing about being a dreamer is dreaming too much, and not actually doing anything. I need to sow seeds for future opportunities and success. So this will be my goal for the next couple of months. I need to stick to my 2012 resolution of 'Growth'.